So in the last seven days we've had 'plebgate', its conclusion at least, followed by 'traingate', both examples of ministerial assumption of a privilege to which they weren't entitled. Now there's 'badgergate', a cull of a native species whose efficacy is being hotly contested. Needless to say, experts are involved, so expect a right-royal balls-up, with badly dressed scientists contradicting one another, and themselves, in the expectation of career-advancement and repeated appointment to juicy governmental advisory positions. Apparently, even the chap who said it was a good idea is now against it. What next? Brian May out in the woods at dusk with a baseball bat? (Er, no).
Until a couple of days ago, Sniffer was going to suggest that everyone would have to go to badgerbadgerbadger.com to see an example, as the real ones would soon be dead. However, he was pleased to discover that, unlike the turkeys, it seems badgers are to be given a reprieve this Christmas, with the great British blast-off due to take place next year instead. And the cause, or at least one of them, is that someone counted the badgers wrongly (What? Was George Osborne involved, I hear you cry). There are now believed to be twice as many as was previously supposed. How does that work? Did they go round and count them again? Have the badgers cottoned on and are now popping up all over the place, intent on being counted several times, like some postal-vote scam? If so, they're certainly a lot cleverer than the man (or woman) from the ministry. Sniffer has a mental picture of them trying to add up the numbers of badgers set by set, the badgers bobbing, weaving, ducking down, sneaking through the undergrowth then popping back up somewhere else, while the hapless civil servant tries without success to write down the correct figure, much like some MP's rental claims on their expense forms.
Among the theories that Sniffer has heard recently are that the sudden increase in numbers is in reality due to a large number of badgers 'flipping' their set in London with that in the countryside. Another is that this is just the first of a series of highly-coordinated badger flashmob events being planned around the country. It would certainly be difficult to pick out the ring-leaders; "that's him, sarge, the one with the stripes on his face like a mask."
In other news:
The Spanish foreign minister took an enormous constitutional dump on Alex Salmond's hopes for Scottish independance, by saying that an independent Scotland would have to apply for EU membership just like any other region breaking free from the autocratic grip of a failed state that no longer represented its people or its wishes. There were reported sightings of the first minister sprawled on a park bench in Stockbridge, grasping an empty bottle of 'Buckie' and shouting 'geraway ya bastards'.
Senior Citizens in Government ‘Work Till You
Drop’ Scheme
After Lord Bitch-hard (sorry, typo, that should read Bichard) stated publicly that pensioners should undertake community service or have their pensions docked, it emerged that a pilot scheme for this very idea had already been up and running for some time. A Mr. and Mrs. Windsor of West London have been forced to work an extra twenty five years past retirement, often outside and regardless of weather conditions, sometimes having to travel long distances to places of work by their employer.
Following on from the story about a North Korean general who had been obliterated by a mortar round, rumours that senior members of the military had invited the Defence Minister, Philip Hammond, to discuss budget cutbacks at a very specific spot on Salisbury Plain were furiously denied by MoD spokespeople this afternoon.
A forthcoming confrontation between the regulator and the water companies over the ever-increasing losses from leaky pipes has been provisionally dubbed 'watergate', but Sniffer thinks this whole gate thing has been taken too far and it's getting silly now.
Mine's a large one.
'Sniffer'
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