A Weak Abroad

Wow!  Normally the Lie-bour party only nick ideas from the wet side of the Cons-(french)-ervatives, New Labour's Cool Britannia bollocks being suspiciously close to 'The Right Approach to the Economy', a Tory strategy document from 1977 reviled by Thatcher, Thatcher, Milk-Snatcher (as Sniffer was taught to sing as a child).

However, and sticking with the 1970s references, in a move that makes Basil Fawlty look like a competent manager, dismal Dave has somehow managed to unite the right wing of his party with Tweedle-Ed's bunch over the EU budget.  That is some feat.  Does dismal Dave's crisis team take their soubriquet literally?  "I say, Smithers, move the fan a bit closer, I feel a constitutional coming on."

It's no surprise that Irked of Dorking and the rest of the Telegraph readership should so dislike the idea of the EU increasing its budget, or anything at all to do with the continent.  "Europe?  That's where all the wars come from, isn't it?"  But that they should unite with the uber-luvvies from the other side of the house frankly beggars belief.  If the Macaroon can bring together two such distant factions, perhaps he has a future in negotiating a Middle East peace settlement.  He can't do any worse than the last Prime Minister who became a Special Envoy, and it would be an improvement all round to have him a good 4 hours plane ride away from the UK.

"And what next from Tweedle-Ed and his pseudo-socialists?" I hear you cry, "plans to run a budget surplus in boom years?  Never would have happened in when Brown was at No.11" (and didn't).  Nor would it have happened when Peter 'Child-catcher' Mandelson stalked the corridors of power, black drainpipes, winklepicker Chelsea boots and one hand behind his back to hide the stiletto blade he wielded with such relish.  One hint of thought-crime and the Child-Catcher was on you, he would find you no matter where you were, a mirthless smile, a glint of steel and you were gone.  For the Child-Catcher loved Europe.  And if he couldn't have the Euro, then the rest of us weren't going to get the full UK rebate until we gave in.

Leading the Tory rebellion which rubbed dismal Dave's nose firmly in the doormat of defeat was Mark Reckless.  There's got to be some copy in that.  Threats from the whips were met with sniggers and catcalls of "On yer bike!"

Allegations the Government had suggested the EU could make up the difference between budget and spending with a short-term loan from Wonga were denied furiously by the Cabinet Office, although there may be something in the suggestion that the proposed increase in contributions could easily be covered if certain large corporations paid their taxes.

Government defeats generally warm the cockles of Sniffer's heart more than a well-aged Speyside and this one was no exception.

Mine's a very large one.

'Sniffer'